Spiky Books
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Olympian Godfather


By Madoc Paine


Dramatis Personae



The Olympians: A powerful divine family that took over the patch previously run by the Titans. The Olympians now run most of the divine protection business in Greece, Crete, Cyprus etc and have fingers in many pies throughout the Mediterranean.


Zeus: The father-god or god-father of the Olympians. Has an eye for the girls, sometimes for the boys, always for the nymphs, and as often as possible for major goddesses. Looks like a mature Marlon Brando.


Herë: The great goddess-queen. Wife of Zeus, and also his sister. In appearance, something between Catherine Zeta-Jones and Polly Walker.


Hadës: Psychopathic brother of Zeus. Carved himself a power-base by creating the underworld. Looks a lot like Joe Pesci.


Hermës: Zeus’s loyal son. The trickster-god and patron of thieves, therefore employed in public relations. Tasked with keeping Herë in the dark regarding most of Zeus’s sex life. Imagine George Clooney in his prime.


Hephaistos: The forge-god and patron of smiths, craftsmen and geeks. Believes he was borne by Herë without a father solely to spite Zeus, and thus has an awkward relationship with both his parents. Hopelessly in love with Aphroditë, and despised by many gods as a nerd, lame in both senses of the word. Facially, looks like something between Tobey Maguire and Matt Damon.


Persephonë: Daughter of Zeus by his sister Demeter. Abducted by her uncle Hadës and subsequently forced by family pressure to marry him. Looks like Tamsin Greig.


Athena: Goddess of crafts, industry, science, learning, warfare, civilisation and multi-tasking. Runs the incredibly lucrative olive industry. Sprang fully-formed from the forehead of Zeus, or so it is said, but a dark secret may lurk behind that story. Imagine an athletic, tough-looking Angelina Jolie.


Aphroditë: Goddess of love and beauty. Not quite everything she seems. Appears in many guises, but think of Jennifer Lopez.


Artemis: Officially the moon-goddess, though in fact she spends most of her time gallivanting in forests with nymphs and hunting dogs. Widely renowned for her alleged chastity. Sporty, brisk and very no-nonsense stiff-upper-lipped. Picture a queenly and athletic Cate Blanchett.


Apollon: The light-god, brother of Artemis, similarly devoted to hunting; divides his spare time between bonding with young men and dancing etc with the muses. Looks like a golden-haired Bruce Willis.


Eoa: Feminisation of Eos, who wants to be a goddess.


Eos: A lieutenant of Zeus. Runs the dawn. Imagine a young, slender but muscular and sun-tanned Gore Vidal. (Eos is not to be confused with Eros.)


Eros: The original sex-god. Imagine something between Cristiano Ronaldo and a young Jude Law, but with wings. (Eros is not to be confused with Eris.)


Eris, or Discord: A deity who reacts badly when not invited to parties. Looks exactly like Becki Newton. (Eris is not to be confused with Iris.)


Iris: Goddess of rainbows, and fleet-footed messenger of Zeus. Looks just like Scarlett Johansson. Second-in-command to messenger-god Hermës.


Psykhë, or Soul: The only black goddess on Olympos. Wife of Eros. Shrewd, insightful and much given to analysing people, relationships and situations. Very similar in appearance to a young Oprah Winfrey.


Julius Caesar: Newly deified for his great achievements as a military leader, conqueror, dictator and mass murderer. Starting to find his feet amongst the Olympians. Looks like something between Robert de Niro and Ciarán Hinds.


...And sundry other divinities, monsters, mortal beauties, warriors, minor but important ‘supernatural’ phenomena, etc, whose particulars may be found at Appendix I: Divinity and Beyond.


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